Transactions

By Susn Dybvik

I believe every relationship you have throughout your life is an exchange or transaction. Whether it is exchange of pieces of your soul, places in your heart, or money(sign that paper honey). Looking back on my fabulous, almost 25 years, it has dawned on me that I’ve had some really bad exchanges throwout the years. Especially on the receiving end. I’ve exchanged loyalty with deception, happiness with depression, confident with body complexions, trust with dishonesty, and the list goes on. However much i would like to blame these bad transaction on people I have met, I have only myself to blame. Because I let them happen. I approved them.  You know when you do a transaction with money, you figure out if the value = expectations and what you are willing to give for it. However with emotions it can be a little more defused than that. And you sometimes try to give more in an attempt to gain more back. So when is it time to shut the bank or in this case the heart?  And why is it, that negative transactions are so much more memorable than the positive? When it comes to the heart, how do we know are making a good deal?

I very often think of the decisions I’ve made and wondered how I let things escalade that far, how I kept giving without return. If it was about money I would be bankrupt ages ago. But “luckily”, emotions keep getting refilled. Like an endless circle, going from one person to the next. Contaminating the emotion as it is passed on. And we seem to struggle to throw away the unrewarding deals and emotions even though we see the self destructing result.  Every action has a reaction, and every emotion given has an emotion returned or passed forward. Maybe that is why older people tend to become more cynical, because they are running out and has truly learned the value of the emotions they have left to give or care to have returned.
One thing I know is that there is people out there with pieces of my soul, some smaller than the others, most expired to someone I used to be, but all part of me.  Like a sculpture I’ve been chipped on and molded back together. And like any masterpiece, I’m still not done and as I grow and mature, I’ve become undeniably aware of the value of my own transactions!
Xo

 

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