Freedom

By Susn Dybvik

I can finally see what I need to do next. How I need to spend this next chapter in my life.  I am truly a gypsy soul, filled with wanderlust.  I want to see and experience as much as I possible can in this life because I know our days are numbered.   And I know it deep down in my soul that it is the right thing to do for me.

For a while now, I have been holding back and not completely listened to my heart.  I was trying to be someone that I am not, trying to fit into a box which is way too small for my wings.  Trying to fit into someone else`s reality.  A reality I really wanted to be in. Unfortunately, this is never a healthy way to live.  And by not following my inner voice, I ended up hurting people I loved deeply.  How can I be honest with you when I didn’t know how to be honest with myself?

I know myself better now, I see who I am and what I offer.  I am everything I want to be, except free.  Free to roam the world and seek out adventures. Some might say its my way of running away from my past, running away from my responsibilities and my fear of attachments.  But to me, its my souls journey, and for once in my life I need to listen what it has been trying to tell me for so long.  I am not running away, but simply running towards my destiny.  Yes its a risk, but the risk of regret and unhappiness is far greater when staying stuck.

I dont believe in materialistic attachments, but rather in love attachments. I am attached to places and people by connections and love, by the energy around me.  And this wont change however far away I go or how long I stay.  I have struggled with a lot of different issues, and being abandoned and alone is one of them.  Very ironic considering I want to travel alone.  But I am not afraid when I move in the right direction, it makes me stronger.  Staying in a place I don`t belong makes me insecure and scared.  A feeling of being left behind while others are following their dream.  I realize I dont need a car or a house (a loan and a mortgage) to feel complete or safe.   I want to live while I am young and able, I want to learn about other people so I can teach my kids to be better.  I want to learn the stories of ancient civilizations, and explore untouched territory. I want to live and let my soul blossom… I want my roots to be strong and firm when planted.

My biggest fear has always been to sit back and think; what if?  – I understand that we all need a job and we all need to pay for food and what not. But dont you see how every materialistic thing you buy, is simply just another chain around your wrist.

I have been thinking long and hard about what will happen next year, and I can see my vision clear as day. And I have for a while now. The best part is that I haven’t been this excited in a very long time.  There is no fear, or worry. It`s like I am falling in love with myself for the very first time.

I know exactly what I want to do…  I have always known…

 

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xo

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